Ugh, I am my daughter and vice versa....

Okay, had to come to the full and horrible realization that I DO actually have something in common with one of my children...and it is not a GOOD thing. Helping L today with her math I came face to face with myself as a student, trying to do my math with my dad helping me. The quivering voice and welling up of tears? Yup, they were there. The throwing out of numbers with the hope that one of them might be the right answer? Yup, ditto. The blank stare at the paper trying to figure out what in the hell I need to know this crap for...ALL THERE. Geez, I felt it in the very core of my being; EXACTLY how she was feeling even though all we were working on was adding double digit numbers. Unfortunately, my first reaction was to think the typical, "OMG, what the hell is so hard about this? 5+1 for gosh sakes!! You know this!". But then it hit me like a load of bricks....I was now in my dad's position and my dad NEVER yelled at me. He hung in there with me until the bitter end. Even when I was going to college...the third time! He got upset that I was upset, yes. He was confused that I was confused, yes. But he never yelled at me or purposefully said anything that made me feel like I was stupid. He would remind me that I was making it harder than it really was, but it didn't really matter, all I knew was that I didn't get it and IT was stupid!!

I hated math. The pressure of not getting something that was supposed to be so clear and sensical was SO DAMN FRUSTRATING!!! I still am not comfortable with it. In fact, in the midst of being my most patient with L tonight, with Jeff looking over our shoulders, I led her into a major dumb mistake.

Up until today, I have been shoving L off on her dad at the first sign of tears with her math homework, I just have not had the patience to deal with homework, dinner, AND tears. But today I think God showed me as plainly as possible that I am the one who needs to work with L on her math and in the process, maybe exorcise some of my mathematical demons.

But don't tell Jeff. I will still need him for when she practices counting money. . .