Future Talk (it ain't a pretty one, folks)

(Disclaimer: This is my personal vent. It is MY blog and therefore I am taking full responsibility for my rantings. But please, if you are going to read even the first sentence, stick it out until the end of the entry. Thank you, and please be sure to look both ways before crossing the street.)



I am beginning to think that the future is an obnoxious thing.  We don't appreciate the here and now because we spend so much time worrying about it. We make plans for the future without knowing what it will be. We base our here and now on the possibility of what will be when noone can say what that is.  We live our lives entirely dependent on something that doesn't even exist yet and no one has any control over.

Does any of this make sense? Probably not, I am only 2 sips into my first glass of wine tonight and I have Scooby Doo blaring in my ear.  What I am trying to get at is my frustration in the concept of a medical diagnosis of a "life expectancy".  I get angry when I hear that someone with a life threatening illness suddenly gets tagged with a finite amount of time, as if,  up until the discovery of the tumor, cancer, heart condition, that person's life expectancy was infinite. What? Really? Dang, had I known that.....

Folks, we ALL have a life expectancy and it is limited to the breath we are breathing right this instant. No further. I think we take it for granted that we are going to wake up tomorrow, let alone be around next year for that Mexican vacation we are planning (still have to get those tickets scheduled, darn it). I got a job once, when the employer was vacillating about hiring me due to the fact that I might only be around (due to my transient lifestyle) for one year.  I told him, yes, that was true. But he could hire the next best person who could promise to be around until the world ended, and they could walk out the door after the first day on the job and get hit by a truck. One just never knows....

 Now, I hear a couple of you getting defensive. WHAT A HORRIBLE, PESSIMISTIC, WAY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE!  Yup, it would be if that was the end of my reasoning.  For the record, I have been known to store water and canned goods in case I lived through that hurricane or wind storm. I even bought a case of batteries from Costco in preparation for Y2K.  Which is to say, I have hope that I will live to wake up tomorrow AND take that Mexican vacation, for what is life without hope? I even always try and look both ways before crossing the street. And I think that is a perfectly happy way to live life. Live with the hope, heck why not even the expectancy, that you will be there for your 50th class reunion, but realize and keep in the back of your mind that, well, despite your best intentions, that truck might just come out of nowhere. All of this to say that the threat of impending death should not be the life changer that it always seems to be. It should be the constant that encourages us to live every day to the best of our ability, and that includes living it with hope.

For the record, the doctor bases that expectancy of 5 more years of life with your "condition" based on the fact that you will be living in a box, on a shelf, doing nothing but existing, taking your meds and eating your vegetables. Why do we need an amount of time attached to our diagnosis? Why can't they say "You have cancer. You are expected to live. . . until you die."  The rest of your life is just as up in the air as it was when you didn't have cancer, just now you have the cancer meds to juggle as well as your shopping list and finding that deal on that flight to Mexico.. Life is nothing without a good challenge to make it interesting. Sometimes interesting sucks. I will grant you that one, but it is never boring and it usually uncovers a whole bunch of blessings if you keep your eyes open.

Okay, here is where the disclaimer comes in. You know what makes me even crankier? The fact that a good majority of us NEED the finality of a "life expectancy" in order to truly appreciate what we have! Yes, I am including myself. I have been on the surviving side of several unexpected deaths and life threatening illnesses in the past four months, and each time has been an absolute, lung-deflating, heart-destroying, iron-fisted blow to my sense of well-being.  I have become too entrenched in the minutia of directing my family's every last move and thought that I have done very little to pay attention to my own. Is this how I want to live my life? So wrapped up in the direction and control of everyone else's that I have nothing to show of my own? I am so torqued over the fact that my husband doesn't call me when he leaves the office to come home, that I don't stop to appreciate the fact that he is COMING HOME!! When we learned last month that the husband of a family friend had died suddenly and unexpectedly, in his sleep no less, it hit me that THAT could have been MY husband! In fact, some day, it might be! And what will I have to remember of our last days together? That I spent precious time complaining that he left his underpants on the floor next to the hamper again? That I wasted breath whining to him about the fact that I'm too fat to deserve to have him to tell me I'm sexy? That I went to bed cranky at him for playing solitaire instead of reading a good book (that I assured him he would love!)? Yikes! Really?

Now while I can't say that I never grump or whine anymore since the passing of our friend, I can at least say that I am always sure to tell him that I love him whenever he leaves or whenever he crosses my mind (thank you text messaging) and definately before we go to sleep!  See? Blessings out of misery.

The same has happened with this latest familial diagnosis of brain cancer. Hey, guess what? She isn't going to live forever.

                                              Damn.

But you know what? We are still going to make sure that she is careful about looking both ways before she crosses the street, and we are going to be especially careful with our Americanos while driving, and we are going to make a bigger effort to appreciate the blessings that God grants us each and every day, until one or the other of us dies.

       

Now, who's up for Mexico?

This Blessed Life

Okay, so if you know me (which I am fairly sure that all three of you do) then you know that we had a drama-filled weekend with a family member being given a scary medical diagnosis. One's first reaction is to say "S**T!! Life sucks!" But let me tell you, as a result of that one horrible thing, I have been presented with so much to be thankful for! Here is just a sampling of how God works...

**Thursday night we got the call that our beloved family member is in distress and prayer is needed.
    God's Response - Jeff and I spent an hour talking to SOOOO many friends and family members who we know are believers in Christ and the power of prayer.  It is so comforting to know that we have such wonderful people in our lives and that even if they don't know each other, they will drop EVERYTHING at the simple request to pray for someone in need. Simply the gift of being able to share such an experience with them was totally fulfilling and despite the fear that we had been filled with at that phone call, both Jeff and I slept soundly and peacefully.

**Friday morning Jeff and I manage to get to all of the kids' conferences and then Jeff is off to lend support to his dad and R. I had to stay behind to herd children and celebrate a birthday and ended up alone in the house that night.
    God's Gift - We are blessed to live close enough to almost any of our family members that if they need us, we can be there within a day, if not a few hours, with very little fuss or planning required. It is a wonderful thing to be able to physically be there as well as spiritually. I also had the opportunity to spend time with Ben and see him open up during a "fancy" dinner out for his birthday. We had great conversations and I didn't have to eat anything that wasn't something I wouldn't have chosen for myself! Then I came home and snuggled into bed with a big brown fuzzy dog along one side of me, a gray cat tucked between my knees and a white one purring in my ear. God grants me support and warmth, and yes, I believe love, even when my husband isn't here!

** Friday night, R's daughter is starting to try and figure out how to get to Washington from the Atlantic Coast in a reasonable amount of time without going into major financial debt.
    God's Gift -  Family and Expedia.com. She was able to find an amazing ticket price for the very next day and some of the most loving babysitters had only just arrived that day, her in-laws!  She was able to focus on getting to her mom, knowing that her family was going to be lovingly taken care of in her absence. Can you imagine the relief?! According to her, there were several other signs that God's hand was in the pot but the one I can personally attest to is that I was able to pick her up at the airport on this end and spend the most enjoyable 3 hours with someone who I truly enjoy being with. Add to that the fact that I had just been whining that I was missing her since our last visit....wow!

** After driving to the airport then up to Port Angeles, I was informed that it was hoped that I would stay overnight. I hadn't exactly expected this turn of events and hadn't even packed a spare pair of undies, let alone made arrangements for the dog, two cats, and ducks to be left overnight.  Good GOD, do you know what two ravenous, toothless, house cats can do to a kitchen in one night??!!
   God's Gift - Unbelievable friends and neighbors.  After no more than two short phone calls and one text, I had one friend taking care of the ducks for as long as needed, my ex-husband heading over to take care of the dog and cats, and another friend who volunteered to check on everyone in the morning so that I could stay longer if needed. How is it that I am so deserving of such friends? Who volunteers to check the cat box??The weather was crappy, some of them didn't even live close by, and others were even allergic to half of the animals!!

** M and B had to serve at church on Sunday morning and then we were supposed to help out at the Harvest party at church.

  God's Gift  - Step moms. Their step mom, Nettie, took them to church AND stood up and made an announcement in our absence asking for prayer for our loved one.  She isn't even a member of our church!

All of this happened as a result of that darned tuu-maah. I dunno, R....I'm beginning to think it might have been a gift itself....I know that despite the fears, blessings have been accounted for at almost every turn. I only pray that we all are mindful enough during the hard times to notice them and feel His presence as He offers them to us.    

Happy All St. Harvoween!!

Okay, my attempt at an all inclusive title. The kids have become a bit confused thinking there are way more holidays involved here what with the celebration of All Saints Day, Harvest Festivals, and Halloween on the same weekend. Goodness knows that with the parties at school on Friday, Trick or Treat Lane on Friday night, Trunk or Treat and Harvest Festival at church on Sunday morning and then trick or treating in the neighborhood Sunday night, they had their plates full as it was! Below is my St. Harvoween picture montage...

 

yes, the slug again.....

A stick man!!

Friday morning, Lydia couldn't wear a costume, so she dressed "normal".

Some of our favorite Trick or Treaters!

                                Hope you had a Happy St. Harvoween for 2010!

Things That Make Me Happy (update)

Please excuse the picture quality, I did this with my camera phone. Some of them have been edited but only to make the colors look like they really did. So if they look fake, just realize, that is how GOD made them originally, I just had to fix my pictures to reflect this.....(errg, I can't get the underline off!!!)I wish I could have this orange ball in my front yard.

no, really, it was  this bright orange!!

All of the above pictures were taken at a nearby landscape nursery, just down the street from us. You hardly even notice it except at this time of year!



First Snow of the Year!



Ugh with capital "UGH"

Jeff got home last night, so it would stand to reason that after two-kinda good mornings (yesterday was a real test as two of them were looking like they were going to go without lunch when they remembered on their own at the last minute, Yippee!!) that today would absolutely BOMB.  Even L, who has been doing the best was caught without having done anything other than eat her breakfast and pack her lunch. So after I told to Jeff to unceremoniously "ZIP IT!" when he started reminding them, all four were in the kitchen and bathroom at the same time, packing, brushing, and doing chores. It was a mess. And I was not very successful in keeping it myself. I don't think Jeff was impressed. Especially since I was so dedicated in keeping myself out of the kitchen that I didn't make him breakfast, OR a lunch.

Epic Fail, as Mac would say.

(ps, yes, that is a slug crawling in Ben's jackolantern. I thought it was fitting)

Update on my Faith

Okay, so officially I started this whole thing on Friday and it wasn't quite as hard as I imagined it would be, although I didn't exactly leave the house, I couldn't really get out of bed. My back decided to flare up and I was unable to do much other than hobble down the hall to get them up and then hobble back to bed.  They did pretty well. Of course, we let them buy lunch so that made it a bit easier for them. The only thing that didn't get done is that I didn't get a chance to check them off for teeth, chores, etc...but not bad for a first day.  Today, Monday, was a bit of a different story. It is only a half day so they were a bit distracted planning what they were going to do when they got home. Lydia came out on top, but only because I messed up and reminded her that she still needed to do a chore after she came in gloating that she was all done.  I didn't give her credit for the chore, but since i messed up too, I gave her one for her bed even though I know she could have done a better job.  Everyone else blew off teeth brushing and chores and one unlucky child went to school without a lunch (they provide them one at school, it just isn't exciting). So I was a bit disappointed to say the least, but hopefully I didn't go off too much. I don't think I did. I know it could have been much worse on my part...Sigh. Jeff leaves today for a business trip in Arizona, not to return until Wednesday. I am going to try really hard to keep this up while he is gone. Today I hid in the bathroom (taking a shower and actually blow drying my hair) because, I'm sorry, but it was POURING outside.  And I think I am getting a cold....

Happy Birthday, Ben!

Today is Ben's 10th birthday. Officially a double digit dude! Wow. I try not to go down the this-makes-me-feel-so-old road, as that gets tiresome with four kids seemingly having constant birthdays...but I still can't believe how fast it is going.

We had a special treat for his birthday last night in that our old neighbor, Jerry, and his new wife, Sandi (whom we LOVE!) joined us for birthday dinner (chicken ravioli, pizza pockets, vegetable chips, salad and garlic bread) and cake (strawberry with strawberry ice cream). It was a really good time, reliving all our memories of when Jerry lived across the street. Hopefully Sandi doesn't hold it against us all... Or him!

It was quite a full day, actually. Jeff took three of the kids to church while I stayed home with Noah who was feeling a bit under the weather, then we came home and did some quick birthday cleaning and scarfed down some lunch while Jeff refinished part of the table so that we could use it for dinner that night. Then it was off to Jordan's house for his birthday party, nice to see all of his family again! Then back to our house to put the table back together and get the FAB-BoOO dinner ready.  Ben was a very gracious birthday boy, as were all of the kids, I was very proud of them. The table manners were without fault and dishes were cleared, vegetables were eaten and conversation was joined. Even the cats stayed out of trouble. This almost made a Thanksgiving dinner seem not completely out of reach....some day.

I did get a chance to get some craftiness in while the rest were at chuch and Noah was sleeping...say hello to my little ghostie troop....I had a little fun with my iphone, i'm really not that creative, or great, of a photographer.  I thought they turned out kinda cute, now I have to figure out how to store them without requiring a whole box of their own. Thank you to Sammi and Gabe for allowing me to use some of their ball pit balls to help in my creations....

One last bit for this post and I think I will be caught up.  Ben had his first Halloween party on Saturday, and despite having to call me early because he "wasn't feeling great", I think he had a good time. If nothing else, I am pretty darn sure that he was proud of himself for surviving it. Parts of it were "freaky scary, Mom!!". Apparently they did a really good job on the "Haunted Walk".... He, by the way, was "A Villan".  I think he nailed it.